I Married WHO?
by Captain Pagie
Summary: Based on a dream of mine. Middle Earth is all messed up becuase of who I married. So guess who they make fix it?
1. What did I do last night?

I Married WHO?

By

LiL Pippin Padfoot

Disclaimer: Do I look like Tolkien? I thought not.

Prologue  
Ok, I have to have prologue to explain this story. This was actually based on a dream I had. Scary.

My friend, Trisha, thought it would be very funny if in her story she had me marry Faramir. Her very words were "You could tell she had been waiting for this day ever since she had seen the movie, the Two Towers."She's crazy. I'd dreamed about this since I read the book... Anyway, I had a dream about the story and this is my dream.

Now The Actual Prologue

My head was pounding. What had I done last night? I remembered the football game, fries, a coke, and walking home, then collapsing into bed. I opened my eyes and I was in a room, much bigger than mine.

"Whoa! Where are my Orlando Bloom posters? Who took my chair? Why is everything white? This isn't very funny."

I hopped out of bed, and I was still dressed in my clothes from last night, jeans and an MSU hoodie. And I started down the hall.


	2. What's going on?

Chapter 2

What's going on?

LiL Pippin Padfoot

Disclaimer: Don't own it. And I don't care if it's stupid. My dreams are very random.

So I had been wandering around in this hall for what seemed like hours. Then I saw it. A window! I jumped out of it, hoping to end this boredom. Turns out I was on the first floor, and I was now in the garden. So I'm walking around in the garden, when I see him! Orlando Bloom! Sitting under the tree, I must be in New Zealand, I thought. I ran up to him.

"Hi! Orlando Bloom! Oh my gosh. Can I have a hug? Will you sign my magazine? I don't have it, am I bothering you? I can quit." I stopped talking when I noticed that he was giving me a funky look.

"Umm aren't you married?"

"Uh no. I'm like thirteen. Duh I'm not married, it's like illegal."

"No, you married Faramir. Who's Orlando Bloom?"

"Grrrrrr."

I was getting really angry, so I just stormed away. But in the distance I heard him yell "Congratulations on marring him! Nice guy!"

I just kept walking.

The next person I ran into was my friend Trisha. Sadly she was crazy.

"Trisha! This is one messed up dream you're having! I WANT OUT!"

"You can't go out, if you're not in."

"What?"

"The Mad Hatter lives that way, and The March Hair, that way. We're all mad. You're mad too."

"Yes, I am mad. At YOU!"

"Oh by the way, congratulations on marrying Faramir."

"I didn't marry him!" I yelled at her, then kicked her in the shin, and stormed off again.

I was still walking when I saw a group of people. I walked up to them. Sadly, I knew these people.

"Hey, you're the girl that Faramir married. Faramir! Your wife's here!" it was a hobbit, Pippin, one of my favorites. Poor guy, I felt sorry for kicking him. I saw Faramir walk toward me. I turned to walk away, but someone caught me.


	3. This is SO Messed Up

Chapter 2

**This is Messed Up**

LiL Pippin Padfoot

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything, but if I do, I'll notify you...

* * *

Someone caught my arm. I spun around. It was Aragorn.

"Aren't you going to stay? I mean, your husband's here."

"No, thanks. If you'll just let me go. Now." Aragorn let go, but Faramir was already there.

"Hi honey."

"Don't call me that."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Not even married a week and you are already fighting. Nice going little brother."

I looked around Faramir to see who said that, but I knew. Boromir.

"You're dead." I said

"No, if I were dead I wouldn't be talking to you. Faramir, I think she's crazy."

That did it. If I was mad before, it didn't seem like it. I stormed off again.

Whispers followed me as I walked away, and I was half tempted to turn and give them a piece of my mind. But I just kept walking.

I ended up at the houses of healing, where Eowyn was. She was standing outside the door, and I walked up to her.

"Who did you marry?" I asked her

"I married Aragorn; I am the Queen of Gondor."

"What happened to Arwen? Aragorn loved her."

"She sailed over the sea, with her father and brothers. So I married him."

This put a kink in my plan. I figured Eowyn would still be single and I could get Faramir to like her instead.

I walked back to Minas Tirith and started to form a plan. Then I found another problem. Frodo and Sam were gay.

"What do you mean Sam's your boyfriend?!? He has to go back to the Shire and marry Rosie and have thirteen kids. You guys are really messing up Middle Earth, you know that?"

"Nope, Sam is staying with me."

I needed help. And a new plan.

I went to Legolas.

"Legolas? Will you do something for me? Pretty please?"

"Sure?"

"Okay, I need you to build me a boat. A gray one, I need to go to the Gray Havens for something. I promise to bring it back."

"When one goes to Valinor, one does not just come and go. You have to stay."

"They've never met me."

"That's true. I already have one. Back up plan in case Frodo failed. I can give it to you tonight if you'd like."

"Perfect."

_4 Hours Later_

"I don't want to go."

"Get in the boat, Frodo."

"But..."

"No buts just get in or I'll throw you in myself, I'm much taller than you."

With a heavy sigh Frodo got in the boat.

Faramir walked up to me.

"Why are you leaving?"

"I'll be right back. I'm not going there to stay."

"No one comes back from that place. You go there forever."

"Not me. Now, I need to give out some instructions."

Faramir moved out of the way.

The entire Fellowship, plus a few other people were there. I started to give out orders.

"Okay. This is how it's going down. Merry Pippin, take Eowyn and Faramir to the Houses of Healing, make sure they don't come out till Faramir and Eowyn fall in love, and want to get married. And don't fall in love with yourselves. Oh, and keep Eomer away please. Sam, go back to the Shire and marry Rosie. Have lots of kids, become Mayor several times, and then after your wife dies, then you can sail over the sea.

"Aragorn, go get your crown, make everything pretty for Arwen. Boromir, by all rights you shouldn't be alive. So go to Lothlorien, steal a boat. Put the boat in the Anduin, lay down, make sure you cut you horn in half, and let the river take its course. Gimli, Legolas, do what you normally do, just don't fall in love, ok? And Trisha, get down from the tree, you are not the Cheshire cat. Bye-Bye everyone!"

And with that I hopped into the boat.


	4. Over the River, To the Undying Lands I G...

Chapter 3

Over the River, To the Undying Lands I go.

LiL Pippin Padfoot

Disclaimer: I wish I owned it. But alas I don't.

Frodo was silently pouting at the other side of the boat.

"You get a hot guy, why shouldn't I?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"I've already explained it to you, you don't get a hot guy, and neither do I. You get to be with Bilbo again, that pretty nice, huh?"

"I didn't like him. I was just nice because I wanted to inherit his money."

"Oh."

It had been like this. Him complaining, it was getting to be to much. I was a just about ready to chuck him overboard, when I saw it. The shore was sparkling white. I leaned over the boat to get a closer look, as we sailed onto the beach.

Some one stepped forward, along with a whole host of people.

"Legolas, we haven't been expecting you so..."

He stopped abruptly at realizing I was Legolas.

"No, I'm not Legolas, I'm here to get some people. Oh, and to drop him-(I pointed to Frodo)- off. Now, when I call your name get in the boat. Don't make me drag you back.

Ok, I need Arwen, get in the boat. Yes, Aragorn still loves you and he's over the blonde.

Well, that's it."

I turned to get in the boat when I remembered something.

"Wait, just a few more people."

I ticked off the names. Gandalf, Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir, I thought if there was any one else but couldn't think of any. Galadriel stepped forward.

"Am I on the list?"

"Nope sorry, no one cares about you 'cept the dwarf. Well, that's it. See ya'll."

The boat had magically expanded as every one got in, and we started the journey home.


	5. The End

**Epilogue**

By

LiL Pippin Padfoot

* * *

About a day later we landed back in Minas Tirith. I found out that Faramir and Eowyn had gotten married, and Sam went back to the Shire.

Then Aragorn and Arwen were wed. And everything went back to normal.

"Finally." I said "Now I can get back to my normal dreams."

All of a sudden, a giant black ship pulled into a harbor. I ran down to it, and hopped on.

"Greetings. Ready for another adventure?" asked the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow

I looked at him. "Aye."

And I sailed off into the sunset.

* * *

LoL This is so retarded. I'm sorry. This isn't normally me. But it was a creepy dream. 


End file.
